How to Make Transition and Changes Easier
Jan Rothney 
In this blog we look at how normal it is to stay stuck in familiar routines, even when they don't serve us, and what we need to make the transition.
Why is it that changing our patterns, even the sickness role, can be difficult, especially releasing the last threads of safety and familiarity from the life we know?
Read on to learn why we get stuck in a life we don't want and how to make the Transition to Thrive.
Summary of Content:
đĄStages of Transition.
đ§ The brain loves predictability,familiarity and safety
đHabits are powerful, quick and efficient
đ§Fear of the unknown, the future and change.
đEmotionally Attached
đ§đ˝âđ§Change means changing our identity
đ§âđ¤âđ§Willpower is not enough- we need support
â Summary of Tips to Enable Transition.
Isnât it fascinating that we can make massive changes in our lives and yet still have the old pattern hanging on in there? I am currently running a course for people who really want to recover and can get 90% better but struggle to shift the last bit and this is such a normal, human pattern. It can feel frustrating, demoralising and tedious but actually, it is just how we are designed.
đĄStages of Transition
Psychologists recognised a long time ago that all transitions can feel stressful. Whether it is changing a daily routine or making major lifestyle changes, whilst the degree of stress varies the stages of transition are very similar ( Hopson 1978):
Immobilisation- overwhelmed or frozen/ stuck
Minimisation- denying change may be needed or minimising its importance
Depression- feeling powerless, helpless, hope-less.
Letting Go of Attachment to the old role/ pattern. New Beliefs: â I have no idea how to be but I know I will surviveâ. â The new life will be better, even if I donât know exactly what it is yetâ.
See Chapter 1 of â Breaking Free- A Guide to Recovering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Long Covid Symptomsâ or https://www.amazon.co.uk/Breaking-Chronic-Fatigue-Covid-Symptoms-ebook/dp/B09ZT6PJC9/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3MZUJ280NY8OZ&keywords=jan+rothney&qid=1660745135&s=digital-text&sprefix=Jan+rothney%2Cdigital-text%2C96&sr=1-1
Testing. Trial and Error- trying out the new patterns, lots of energy is used as things are up and down- the bumpy road to recovery. You may get annoyed or irritable as transition fluctuates.
Search for Meaning Cognitively evaluating the changes and how they impact on life.
Internalisation: As the changes become part of your understanding of self and integrate into your new way of being.
đ§ Familiarity is Safe: Better the Devil You Know.
At the most basic level, we are primed for safety because nothing matters as much as survival, staying alive, and for social animals like humans, attaching, so we belong and feel part of the pack. We will do whatever it takes to survive, developing a range of strategies, appeasing, fighting, whatever it takes and these become our automatic response to anything that is a trigger.
The unknown is scary because we donât know we will be safe and the brain always prefers familiarity to the unknown. Staying in the current state may be unpleasant and unhealthy but at least we know we are safe, we know how to function within these parameters. The survival brain is always erring on the side of caution and it is more powerful than our higher brain. Often it takes blind faith, abandoning natural safety for a risk that could or may not pay off. When we have had a bad experience of stepping outside our comfort zone, our survival brain, looking out for our safety, will go on red alert and stop us from having another potential bad experience. This will be experienced as powerful sensations, even nausea, sickness or fatigue.
It may be normal to err on the side of caution and stick to familiar patterns but that doesnât mean it is useful.
đHabits:
Conserving energy is one of the most important requirements of any living organism and one of the best ways for humans to conserve energy is to function without putting in any effort- also referred to as work. Effort uses up a lot of energy and calories; when we expend a lot of energy we experience stress and overload, so transition can feel stressful.
We have been created to develop habits that run automatically, unconsciously in autopilot, so we just respond instantly, the same way, effortlessly. It may not be a habit that serves us long term but it certainly conserves energy as the brain doesnât have to work too hard. The habit centre in the brain is the basal ganglia and it fires off a hundred times faster than your higher brain- brilliantly efficient, fast and runs our lives without effort. Imagine having to concentrate on learning everything new, every day, whether brushing your teeth, making a cup of tea or responding to situations- we would be worn out before we had started the day!
Being annoyed that we run habits that do not serve us is to be annoyed that we are naturally created to be efficient. Up to 80% of how we function is in autopilot, running unconsciously and automatically for us- which is great for efficiency and speed- so be grateful.
Neural pathways make physical connections so we can make sense of the world and react appropriately. Very quickly a stimulus causes you to respond ; this is what is often called Classical/ Pavlovian conditioning- we become conditioned to respond in the same way, every time, to whatever trigger stimulates that response- you do nothing to create it but you can break the connection, if it doesnât serve you and then consciously retrain yourself to respond differently.
Negative emotions just trigger survival mode and keep us stuck as the brain demands familiarity and its comfort blanket. Much better to be fascinated by how brilliant the brain is and how brilliantly we have been designed for efficiency and safety. Then we can consider how we may break the habit.
Big Up your Successes no matter how small: Just starting to break a habit means the brain breaks the association between the trigger and your response so, big up your successes when you notice you have responded differently to something that was a trigger or develop a new routine. The more you big up your success the quicker the brain will get the message that it is safe to make changes. On the Reset to Thrive programme we call this â looking for green shoots of recoveryâ and â being excitedâ about breaking patterns/ habits. https://resettothrive.co.uk/
Rewarding yourself with a whoop, a treat or a pat on the back means you fire off dopamine, which is the chemical associated with rewards, and it accelerates learning- so the brain will learn to do the new habit much quicker if you reinforce it.
Fear:
It is completely normal to feel fearful or cautious when we change patterns of a lifetime or indeed change our lives, transitioning from the familiar to the unfamiliar, but that doesnât mean we have to be dominated by the part of the brain that prefers safety and keeping the status quo.
The Unknown: We know that a fear of the future is normal because it throws in the biggest factor- âthe unknownâ. After years of research into transition and how it affects people, hospitals and schools now prepare people and especially children, for what lies ahead. Schools offer transition days when children move from primary to secondary school to familiarise them with surroundings, how everything functions, make it an enjoyable experience and develop a positive expectation of their future school. Likewise hospitals will often offer a transition stage to prepare young patients for hospitalisation. I have worked with clients who had a sudden transition to a new school or hospital with no preparation and this sent them off track for the rest of their lives, until they learnt to deal with the fear of change and the inevitable lack of confidence in themselves which was created by the bad experience.
Be Better Informed: You can reduce your fear by being better informed; learn as much as you can about the new situation as possible, learning from people who have negotiated the situation well and get support from others going through a similar situation.
Focus is critical. It is easy to focus on all the things that could be a problem because the brain naturally looks for problems- â How will I cope?â â What if I donât have enough moneyâ. To move forward we need to get focused on solutions and when we know we are capable.
Focus on all the times you have made a transition that went well ( stopped smoking, moved school, changed jobs or something tiny small like taking a different route to work or going to school without a carer). Make the brain pay attention to the fact that transition is safe.
Feel adventurous and spontaneous again. Even greater than safe is adventure, excitement, so start to keep a list or look at photos that show you can take a step into new territory with joy, excitement and pride.
All children are born to explore, to discover and be curious- fear only comes in after a bad experience, so step back into the spontaneous child who is fearless and excited to find new adventures, to travel the road less travelled. Life isnât just about being safe- it is to feel alive, to discover new things, to grow and be fulfilled.
On the Reset to Thrive programme people are taught how to access these healthy states, not just to talk about them but to feel alive again, confident and courageous. Having support from others to give you a more reasonable, fearless perspective often allows us to move on.
đBeing Emotionally Attached to the Current State:
If you notice that you feel really positive emotions attached to a current state then it may be harder to let go. So many people who have been sick for a long time have created a life that is âcomfortableâ within confined parameters and have developed a network of friends who can identify with them.
A sick child who spent a long time in hospital can feel part of the community they have developed and their identity is wrapped up in the situation they grew up in. They can feel lost when they are better, lose the friends who were such a part of their lives for so long and feel unsure how to relate with people who have never experienced what they have experienced. The same is true for people who have chronic conditions when they form friendships, support networks and a sickness role that becomes them. Often the demands of leaving the confines of the sickness role seem terrifying and our peers may not want you to change because it impacts on them.
But that doesnât mean you have to stay stuck; it is completely normal to adjust to any conditions and for it to become the norm but it is also normal to readapt and re- emerge into a world that may be new or demanding in different ways. Having a programme, like Reset to Thrive, and a community to develop your identity/ self esteem, with the new, desired goal is often a critical part of change and transition.
đ§đ˝âđ§Change the Environment to Access Support and have better conditions around you.
Changing the environment that triggered certain behaviours, emotions or responses is often a good way to change patterns because you remove the trigger (stimulus). However, often it isnât healthy to avoid neutral triggers that develop in the sickness phase- instead we need to learn to have a different response to them- eg exertion, stairs, socialising etc.
Accessing an environment that encourages and reinforces the response you want to have will make it much easier to change. This may be accessing support from others with a similar goal, whether it is to get fit in the gym or to recover from conditions. Finding your tribe, removing yourself from difficult triggers and learning how to respond consciously to triggers, in a supportive environment, makes the transition easier. Often it needs a support network of people going through a similar transition and this is why we set up support groups on the Reset to Thrive programme and a buddy system where people can get better and keep friends they have made, who can empathise and enable the change into fully functioning and confident.
đ§âđ¤âđ§Will power is not Enough
We know from studies into habits and patterns that will power is not enough- whilst it may be useful, it is not sufficient. We have to change associations with the trigger, make small changes to the response or routine, reward ourselves and get the dopamine fast tracking us. We need a support network, ways to develop self esteem, roles and identity that do not depend on being sick or rely on staying stuck to keep âsafeâ,or have friendship groups and people to connect with, even if it is online chat and groups. When we access support, find safety in numbers to transition together and start the conscious way we change our response to triggers, we can go far. The Reset to Thrive Community is here to help you with the transition, which alone, without an understanding as to why you keep getting stuck in patterns or how to change, makes transition hard. I hope you join this supportive group to ease your journey and bring joy back into your life.
â Summary of Tips for Transition.
Whether you are making small changes in your routine to add in an exercise routine or making life changing transitions, we need to:
Start by making small, different responses to triggers or old routines.
Focus on when transition is fun and you feel good that you did it.
Focus on âwhat ifâ it is all going to be okay- even better than now!
Become solution focused not focused on all the problems.
If you are building in a new routine, hooked it to a current routine, such as when you brush your teeth, have a shower, get out of bed or before bed. It is much quicker to establish a routine for the new behaviour when it is associated and time set to an old routine.
Celebrate tiny wins- called the green shoots of recovery on the Reset to Thrive programme.
Seek support (in groups, coaching, friend or buddy system) to help with transition and break your identity from the old routine to your new desired life.
Be compassionate with setbacksâthey're part of the process.
Be compassionate with yourself because humans are meant to run patterns and habits so be okay with that, then gently be curious about changing ones that donât serve us.
Change the environment to be more conducive to change, whether that is surrounding yourself with supportive people and professionals if needed, setting an alarm to get up ten minutes earlier or having post-its everywhere.
Categories: : Wellness
