THE POWER OF SOCIAL SUPPORT IN ACHIEVING OUR GOALS AND DESIRES

Success is dependent on accessing social support, whether via a buddy system coach, teacher or peer group. Reach out to achieve what you want.

Accessing support can be a valuable part of achieving the goals we want. In a study of students, there was a correlation between achieving the desired outcome and having social support from others in a group. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9798117/?utm_source

As the study shows, social support increases accountability, motivation, problem solving and enables us to stay on track, especially when there are bumps in the road and setbacks. So many students on the Reset to Thrive programme have valued the support in webinars, community chats and peer group support sessions www.resettothrive.co.uk

Porges’ Polyvagal theory suggests that our social interaction and connection with others is fundamental in regulating our bodies because nurturing support enables us to thrive whereas a non-nurturing connection causes the body to go into survival mode. Social connections literally regulate our autonomic nervous system (ANS). He calls our first line of defence “ social defence skills and connections” and when we are not nurtured by social connections or do not have the necessary social defence skills to buffer conflict and disharmony, our ancient instinctive systems kick in to put us into fight, flight or freeze, causing an imbalance of the autonomic system and hypothalamus- pituitary - axis (HPA) or dysfunctional chronic conditions such as Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) or chronic conditions such as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and other chronic conditions.

"Even the most finely tuned stress response in the healthiest of individuals can begin to cause damage, if activated again and again over a long period. In other words, chronic stress can cause illness… Chronic stress can take a toll on the immune system, making someone more susceptible to colds and infections. It can also ratchet up the immune response to detrimental levels, resulting in allergies, asthma, and autoimmune conditions… and other stress-related illnesses including colitis, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, eczema. The stress response musters the brain, glands, hormones, immune system, heart, blood, and lung. Hence the array of illnesses that can arise when we get stressed". (McEwan 2002).

Porges, McEwan and Sapolsky’s research are just a few of many that demonstrate how chronic conditions are impacted by social support/ lack of support and our response to social situations).

From birth, a baby is born interacting with others around them, through body movement, different cries and actions because it needs interaction from others to survive and thrive (Kirsty Coventry in her book Women in Construction: Newborns and Communication).

We know from research that the key factor in well-being is social support, which I cited in my book 'Breaking Free: A Guide to Recovering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Long Covid Symptoms'.

As social animals, we are created to be part of a pack and to have social interaction with others. Professor Julianne Holt-Lunstad, (2010) carried out a meta-analysis, examining 148 studies that explored the major causes of death in humans. Lack of a social network ranked as highest risk, above a poor diet, lack of exercise, and exposure to pollution. Only smoking had the same risk; so, friendships and having another person to confide in are really important buffers against life’s hurdles. Also, Robert Dunbar (2021), an eminent anthropologist, primate behaviourist and psychologist, carried out a large-scale analysis across Europe, and found that five close friends is optimal for avoiding depression. Today, researchers are able to measure how our bodies respond at a cellular level, creating sickness behaviour such as head, muscle and abdominal aches, changes in the gut microbiome, and the increased sensitivity to touch, sound, and light inflammation, sleep deprivation and fatigue due to diverse threats. “These threats can be as diverse as an infection, poisoning, physical, or psychological trauma, and still trigger the same stereotyped sickness behavior”(Eric Shattuck and Michael Muehlenbein, 2015). Our social environment impacts on the body as much as any other physical threat.

Clearly social deprivation impacts on emotional overload, thereby changing our physiology and our health, as Candice Pert identified in her pioneering research into “molecules of emotions” with the book of the same title. One of the largest, longitudinal studies on this compared Harvard graduates with low paid Boston workers, over 50 years. The only factor affecting well-being and happiness was having social and emotional support; they act as buffers against life’s stresses and strains, balancing out load. Have you had sustained periods of isolation or lack of support from significant others? Certainly, the illness can impact hugely on social deprivation because many people spend most of their time isolated and lose friends.

No other factor came close to influencing well being, whether money, status or diet and likewise social neglect/ isolation or disharmony is the greatest cause of ill health. It is not just the physical environment; we know that a lack of social support and unhealthy attachments are just as stressful to mammals and humans (Harlow 1958; Bowlby, and Ainsworth, 1992). Social and emotional attachment are the most significant buffers against stress. Therefore, your environment needs to have social and emotional support to stay healthy.

Also, Dr M Scott Peck said in his book: “The Road Less Travelled’, “whatever you value you have to give it your time” and so much of finding time is prioritising and committing to what you really want. Peck talks to a young mechanic about never not being able to fix cars and the young mechanic replies, saying “you could if you decided to take the time to learn.” So we need to commit our time to what we really want but it is incredibly difficult for most people to learn in isolation so we need to achieve with support from others.

Do you have the repressive personality which McEwen identified as a trait correlated with people who develop critique syndrome chronic fatigue syndrome? This is the person who cannot express that they need help for whatever reason and like the graceful Swan was paddling light fury underneath the surface. We know that one of the core traits of successful healthy people is they have no problem in putting their hand up to say “I don't know how to do this. Can someone help me”. If you can’t express your needs easily, admit you are struggling, or have issues with shame, failure, being exposed, imposter syndrome or anything else that prevents you accessing support, please put your hand up today, reach out by coming on the Reset to Thrive course; learn how to express yourself openly and easily, how to set boundaries and take control of the endless onslaught of mental, emotional, social and physical demands that come at us from every angle, all the time. Those external loads will never end so we have to learn to manage them and give you time to things that you really value.

So what will you do to access support?

Find a class to ensure you stick to your commitment and learn together
Find a buddy system to support you
Find a mentor or personal coach to make you commit, turn up and show up.
Only go on forums that encourage you to focus on what you want and how share tips and tools to achieve it.
Be aware of forums that talk about the problem, how awful it is, without giving ways of moving forward.
Find success stories to motivate you
Watch videos and reels on success stories.
Put up posts about your small gains
If you have a repressive tendency, where you quietly

We need social support and interaction throughout our whole lives, none more so than when we are isolated with illnesses such as chronic fatigue syndrome, long covid or other conditions where we need to be held. The type of support is crucial; being on forums that reinforce conditions will keep us stuck whereas forums that encourage, motivate and keep us on track for achieving our desired outcome/ goal will enable us to thrive, so think carefully whether your cohort nurtures you or keeps you stuck.

Support enables you not only to get the benefit of others but to be accountable for your own journey and outcomes, so access your tribe, a mentor, buddy, teacher or Peer Group Support, today, to help yourself become better.

Categories: : Healing