How Do I Recover from Chronic Fatigue, viruses, Burnout and Long Covid when I have Children ?

So many parents really struggle to look after themselves when they are ill and have children. This blog suggests how you can help yourself be better

  • Recovering from chronic fatigue, burnout, and Long Covid while managing the demands of parenting can be particularly challenging. However, there are practical strategies you can adopt to support your recovery without requiring extensive time for rest. My children taught me my biggest life lesson: when I was terrified, anxious and worried about losing our house because I was the only breadwinner and was losing my job through having CFS, I told my girls we were going to lose our home. Their response?             " We don't care if we lose our home Mum, we can live in a caravan. We just want you to get better and be well again". Out of the mouths of babes. That day I stopped spending energy on things that don't matter and I learnt to focus only on what does matter- our health and well being. In becoming " adult" I had focused on providing and not focused on looking after myself. our children want us to be better and if that means losing the house, living on baked beans for a year or asking for help, that's fine. It is so easy to lose track what matters and I urge you today to consider what actually matters. 
  • Here are some suggestions:

  • 1. Integrate Self-Care into Daily Life: Look for small opportunities to practice self-care throughout your day. This could include deep breathing exercises while waiting for your children, stretching during playtime, or taking a few moments to enjoy a quiet cup of tea. Self Care is a critical part of wellbeing. When I was ill and bedridden with two young children I had to stay focused on the fact that the quicker I recovered, the quicker I could be there to look after them. I also had a friend say " what would you do if you had cancer, pneumonia or MS and had children?" Of course I would HAVE TO find a way of getting support; I learnt to ask for help which was something I hadn't been good at doing ( and no doubt contributed to my downfall. Infact, there is some evidence that repressive personalities who keep everything to themselves and just keep going, are more at risk of chronic fatigue syndrome). A lack of self care is saying " I don't matter as much as other people" but of course you do matter and your wellbeing matters a lot to you and others. 

    2. Establish a Routine: Create a structured daily routine that includes time for both your responsibilities and brief moments of self-care. Consistency can help you manage your energy levels more effectively. Sometimes it is hard to create structure but it can be useful in terms of developing healthy habits to attach a new routine of well being, such as breathing exercises, gargling, or splashing with cold water, to a routine you already have such as when you brush your teeth or shower or when you first wake up 10 minutes before seeing the children or bedtime. We know from research that it is better do attach a new habit to an old routine as you will do it more easily and consistently.

    3. Utilise Short Breaks: Even if you can’t take long breaks, try to incorporate short, intentional pauses throughout your day. Use these moments to recharge, whether it’s through mindfulness, a quick walk, or simply sitting quietly for a few minutes whilst the children read or play. Walking mindfully, being in the moment and focused on what you can do or being in nature, in your garden or by an open window can be so beneficial.

    4. Delegate and Share Responsibilities: It is so important to learn to put your hand up and say " I Need Help!"; often it is the very thing we are not good at doing is the things we need to learn. What would happen if you involved your partner, family members, or friends in sharing parenting and household responsibilities? Is there literally noone who would be willing to help?  This can help lighten your load and provide you with some much-needed time for yourself. I was astonished when I was ill that neighbours, who I didn't know particularly well, came to my rescue and brought food for the children or got my Food Supplement and meds. One started to phone once or twice a week to see if I were in bed and needed shopping for the children. Some people may not be willing but once you start to realise " I AM ill and if any of my friends were this ill of course I would help out" then it is easier to say " Could you". If your partner is unwilling, is there a friend, anyone, voluntary services who could help? Don't assume there is noone until you ask around. One of my biggest lessons was to admit " I can't" and ask for help. 

    5. Involve Your Children: Engage your children in activities that allow you to rest while still being present. For example, reading together, doing quiet crafts, or watching a movie can provide you with a break while spending quality time with them. Children often do not need to be entertained and it doesn't matter if they are on a computer or watching more television than usual; on balance it is much better they are safe and entertained so you can lie nearby and rest. It is good for children to learn spontaneous play rather than depend on others because it teaches them a sense of pride, independence and confidence as well as being empowering. 

    6. Focus on Nutrition: Prioritize a balanced diet that supports your energy levels. Preparing simple, nutritious meals can help sustain your health without requiring extensive time in the kitchen.If you are unable to stand and cook, I lived on food drinks for months and my children had to live on beans on toast, pizzas they could pop in the oven ( if they are old enough to use an oven) or had microwave meals. It is not the best diet but they want you to be healthy and will happily live on baked beans as it helps your recovery. 

    7. Limit Stimulants: Reducing caffeine and sugar can help stabilize your energy levels and improve your overall well-being. Opt for hydrating beverages and healthy snacks instead. I learnt how important drinking water is, having never drunk it before.

    8. Communicate Your Needs: If you have a partner or support system, communicate your needs and feelings. For so many people with chronic fatigue, burnout or long covid, they have never been good at asserting their own needs and tend to focus on others' needs. I talk a lot about this in my book; there is a reason we didn't have the reserves to fight viruses or any more load and so part 2 of my book is helping people learn how to develop social defence skills needed to be well and robust. 

    9. Seek Professional Guidance: Consider consulting with a healthcare professional who specializes in chronic fatigue, burnout, or Long Covid. They can offer tailored strategies and support to aid your recovery. Do have a look at my book " Breaking Free: A Guide to Recovering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Long Covid Symptoms". You can also access the ebook on the website when you sign up for the newsletter at www.resettothrive.co.uk 

    10. Practice Self-Compassion: Acknowledge that recovery takes time and that it’s okay to have limitations. Be kind to yourself and recognise the efforts you are making, even if they feel small. Self compassion is the key to well being and I had no idea how much I lacked it until I was bedridden- feeling guilty, ashamed, useless, worthless, a failure, happy when I was doing well then devastated by any setback during relapse. Join my newsleter and access the free webinar on self compassion- you will be amazed what it is and what it isn't! How can you be well until you like yourself unconditionally, whether you are not functioning fully or whether you are. 

    By incorporating these strategies into your daily life, you can create a supportive environment for your recovery while managing the demands of parenting. Remember that taking care of yourself is essential for being able to care for your children effectively.